The Male Dominant Blog

A Blog for Male Dominants by a Male Dominant

The Female Submissive Anal Training Guide


Anal, The Big A, Ass Fucking call it what you will a large percentage of men love the idea of it, often trying it once with many a girl proclaiming that “It’s herts” and “We’re never doing that again”.

This was the case for me and KW during our vanilla period, when trying anal I rushed it and caused some issue for some time.

When entering a D/s as Dom it’s within your power (and agreed limits) to do what ever you want, often this meaning training your sub both physically and mentally.

So given my love for anal like most (In the UK 31 percent have tried it) one of my main goals was to train my sub anally, but more importantly to do it the right way, so we could both enjoy anal in the long term.

What To Do Before You Start Anal Training

Discus It:

Most women don’t like the idea of anal, some may even hate it due to a bad previous experience, so explain your goals and gain consent from your submissive.

Understand the Mechanics.

Simple put an arse is are tight, after all that’s why you want fuck it! This tightness means building up to the porn star anal sex you desire takes time (Not days or weeks but months in some cases). The anus is made up of two strong mussels which actually have to to stretched slowly and incrementally to achieve results. If you go too fast you risk tearing the anus, mean potentials long term problems for sub, that can even lead to surgery in extreme cases.

Tool Up.

With anal play having the right equipment is critical, in my opinion it can be the difference between success and failure so what do you need?

Flavoured Lube.

Best practice anal sex includes rimming (Licking the anus) as this helps relax your partners outer anus. You can make this task a lot easier and enjoyable by using flavoured lubes such as Drurex’s Range, my favourite is Cherry or Strawberry.

Anal Relaxants.

Making the ass as stretchy as possible is key to anal training and sex and its worth going beyond mental relaxation. For me and KW Pjur’s Analyse Me Spray has made a real difference. What It does is make the anal tissues stretchy and lowers sensitivity making anal play more pleasurable for your partner. I’ll explain later how to use it best.

Anal Lubes

Now an import physical aspect about the anus is that unlike a pussy it doesn’t produce it’s own lube. Due to this fact choosing the right lube makes all the difference, for anal sex and play its best to use silicone lubes like my favourite Pjur’s Silicone Lube called Back Door Glide. Silicone lubes work because unlike their water based alternative they can’t get absorbed in the skin, because if this you need a lot less. Three important points about silicone lube: 1 – it’s more expensive, however it’s well worth it if you want regular anal fun. 2 – you CAN’T use it with silicone sex toys as it cause a reaction make it ineffective. So make sure you understand what the toys you buy are made of, personally I find high grade rubber the best. 3 – Some people have allergies to silicone, so make sure you test it on different part of skin first.

Anal Toys (Butt Plugs, Beads and Dildos)


Now this part comes down to personal preference and what you sub/partner has used previously. Personally my sub had never used any anal toys before, so I decided to take the approach of you using various sizes of butt plugs.

If your dealing with a sub new to anal play and training I recommend a butt plug with about a 3.5″ circumference (its about the width of a large finger at its widest point). Once you sub is comfortable with that size you buy larger or you can buy a butt plug kit.

Hemroid/Piles Cream: Good anal training is a much about after care as any other facet of BDSM. Once you’ve finish your scene make sure you apply some high quality hemroid cream to your subs anus (Inside and out) to aid recovery.

How to Carry Out Anal Training

The above guide is for those in a non 24/7 D/s relationship where training may be less extreme or regular.

I’ve split the below training guide into two parts, first part details a single training session. The second part details how to carry out multi session training

Training Session Guide:

Through all of the below steps I suggest stimulating your sub’s pussy or clit to help associate a strong link between pleasure and anal play/sex.

  1. Get Your Sub Relaxed. You want to get your sub as relaxed as possible, focus on music and light. If it helps a single glass of wine can help relax a nervous sub further, how ever don’t let them get to drunk as they will be able to tell when anal play goes from uncomfortable to painful.
  2. Rimming: If you want anal expect to rim. Get your sub in your favoured position (My preference is Face Down, Ass Up) Then apply some flavoured lube to her anus and rim away, using your tong to penetrate where possible.
  3. Apply Relaxing Spray. Relaxant Sprays can several minutes to work effectively, so apply your spray of choice directly to arse hole and work it in as part of step 4.
  4. Thumb and Finger Play. With the spay applied start playing with your subs arse, push on the hole to help get your sub comfortable with the pressure. Now is also a great time to instruct you sub suck you while you play.
  5. Butt Plug Training: This is ware anal training really starts. Once your subs arse is fully felling the effects of the relaxant, it’s time to start plug training, follow the below steps.
    • Apply silicone lube to your subs arse and the butt plug
    • Get your sub to tense and then relax their anus, just after th relax push in the plug a little. This exercise really helps relax the anus further. Also get your sub to breath deeply through each push.
    • Repeat step 2 above till the plug is ether completely in or a far as the sub can cope with.
    • With plug at it maximum depth (Ether fully inserted to the based or at the maximum depth your sub can cope with) leave it there for several minutes. Aim to increase this time each anal training session
    • If your sub very comfortable with a specific plug size I suggest pushing them a little by fucking the arse at their at the plugs widest point

So How Do You So Fuck a Girls Arse?


Personally I would only move onto anal sex until after your sub is comfortable with a basic butt plug over several minutes, if she’s still having difficulty wait till another session.

How successful you are depends on your length and girth, so if you’ve small dick your in luck, if you have a big dick it’s going to take longer to achieve results.

Personally I always have anal sex after training, however it’s also a slow process. As with butt plugs make sure you use silicone lube before starting, if your anal training is going well your sub arse should gape a little after removing the plug and when you ask them to pull their cheeks apart.

6 Steps to Ass Fucking

  1. Carry out anal training first, this will help get her as stretch and ready your subs ass you.
  2. Find the right position, the easiest for anal initially is with your sub on her back holding her legs to raise her ass to your dick.
  3. Now try the head of your cock first and take the same time as you would with plug.
  4. Only increase depth gradually, it takes time get full penetration. It may take many session to get that full porn star anal you want.
  5. Anal After Care: After a session (In non 24/7 D/s context) it’s best to leave 1-2 Day till you carry out further anal training. This is especially true once when pushing your sub’s physical limits with large plugs and deeper anal sex.
  6. In addition to the above point I also suggest applying hemroid(piles) cream to your subs arse after most anal sessions. Unless there very comfortable with that size plug/depth. This ether speeds up recover or ensure any damage done i minimised.

Carrying Out Anal Training in the Long Run

So you had your first session, your submissive recovered well and your ready to go further and carry out Anal Training over multiple session?

In my opinion you should only graduate to the next session when your sub is easily coping with her current session.

For example you may need to repeat a session several times till your sub an easily handle a specific size of butt plug.

So here you go my multi session guide to anal training for non 24/7 D/s relationships .

  • Session 1: Rimming and Finger Play. Get your sub used to you playing with her arse my favourite way to this is to have her rub her pussy while on all fours while I eat her ass out. I suggest repeating this session twice and judge her feedback, although you should have already discussed anal play when agreeing limits.
  • Session 2: As above, but try using the tip of a 3.5″ (Circumference) butt plug. Just pushing in the top in while monitoring your subs reaction. Leave a 2 day gap for recovery.
  • Session 3: Follow session 1, but aim to get the plug inserted fully into your subs arse, take your time doing this getting your sub to breath through it and don’t rush. Aim to leave plug fully for 2 minutes before removal. Repeat this session till its in for 10 minutes. Leaving 1-2 days between session not forgetting aftercare.
  • Session 4: As above, but try to start fuck her ass with the widest part of the plug. Repeat session twice, again leaving recover days between sessions.
  • Session 5: As above, but when you remove the plug try pushing just the tip of your cock head in her ass. After 10 minutes of plug play her ass should gap a little, a good sign for further play.
  • Session 6: Follow all the steps as normal with a 3.5″ plug, but after removal graduate to a 4.5″ plug, again as with a 3.5″ plug it make take several repeats of this session to get the plug fully inserted.
  • Session 7: Moving on from session 6, you should be able to achieve gentle ass fucking with a little more depth.
  • Session 8: Going through all the steps, move up to 5.5″ circumference butt plug (Provide your sub can easily handle a 4.5″ plug), taking your time and sessions to achieve full insertion of the plug.
  • Session 9: If you sub can easily handle the 5.5″ plug you should be able after a full training session (Rimming, 3.5-5.5″ training) be able to start achieve deeper and in some cases slight harder ass fucking.

So there you have it my guide to anal training with a female submissive, have an opinion, differing method please let me know in the comments and ill respond as best I can.

Controlling Male Dominant Lust

If you become a male dominant through your wife or girl friend realising their submissive side you may suddenly realise a few things by entering the role of a dom.

What You Gain By Becoming a Male Dominant:

  1. Your new wife or girl friend’s sex drive more closely matches your own
  2. Your can (within agreed limits) fulfil any fantasy you wish.
  3. Gain a stronger and deeper bond with your wife or girl friend.
  4. Realise your true tendencies as a dominant.
  5. Gain sexual fulfilment not found through vanilla sex.
  6. Help your new submissive embrace their own tendencies.

What is Male Dominant Lust

If you’re a new dominant this sexual awakening can cause an overly high state of lust (What I call ‘dominant lust’), as quite simply from a sexual perspective it is like being a kid in a sweet shop (What naturally dominant man doesn’t want a sexual sub?).

However this can cause issues as ‘Dominant Lust’ can result in a lack of control due to the emotion clouding your brain like a red mist which can result in the following problems:

Forgetting a submissive’s needs. When you drive a scene through dominant lust, the odds are you’re not seeing the whole picture and focusing on purely your own goals. As a dominant its our job to understand what our submissive needs (not want) to grow, when the red mist of dominant lust descends you can easily forget this, thus weakening our connection with the sub.

Accelerating a submissive soft limits. Prior to any start of any strong D/s relationship there should be an agreement on hard and soft limits. As a dominant its your responsibility to help your sub grow partly through pushing push their physical and mental limits. Pushing limits is a slow process, you can’t get from A to Z without the rest of the alphabet. When playing out a dominant lust driven scene its east to forget to take the slow approach, taking the fast approach will most likely force you sub into use a safe-word, thus ending the scene and reducing trust.

Rushing to your scene’s peak. Good BDSM scenes like vanilla sex only happen after a good warm up (foreplay). When a dominant takes part in a scene when in the grip of dominant lust you’re a likely to rush to your planned peak. Take a punishment play scene, where you are going to whip your submissive for failed task, by not taking the time warm up with spankings or flogging the scene is likely to a negative effect as your sub won’t process the pain of the punishment correctly.

Emotionally Driven Scenes: As a dominant your sub expects control, not just of them but of you. If you drive a scene through emotions like dominant lust or anger (or worst both) you lose control of your self and you submissive. A lost of control results in a lost of trust and respect from you submissive and will if allowed to continue degrade any D/s relationship.

Controlling Dominant Lust

One of the most common piece of advice given to new dom’s that “If you can’t control you self, how can you control others?”, this sums up the effect of dominant lust in my opinion, but how do you control it:

  1. Remember that even a short scene (less than 30/ minutes) needs a warm up time, don’t delve straight into the good stuff.
  2. Plan scenes by having a rough idea in your head about how the scene is going to play out, even for short scenes.
  3. Understand that soft limits are there to pushed but only slowly, it’s a marathon not a sprint.
  4. Make notes on everything such as your submissive behaviour and potential scene ideas
  5. Always remember that loosing control of your self means losing the control, respect and trust of your sub.

If you have any experiences of ‘male dominant lust’ (ether as a dom or sub) or have you own methods to control it please share it in the comments.

Submissive Training – Lesson 1: Understand Your Sub

As a new Dom I’ve made many mistakes, one if biggest ones is not understanding what type of sub my wife was going to be or become, as she like me entered the BDSM lifestyle. By understanding what type sub you have you can more easily dominate them and more importantly help them grow, one of your prime roles as their Dom.

In my opinion there 3 types, these are most notable set out Peter Masters, a well know Dom and BDSM philosopher.

The Initial or Un-comitial Sexual Sub
This type of submissive is happy to submit provided it remains within their agreed limits. Their limits are normally hard and they do not want to have their limits pushed. Often their submission is driven by a want to achieve specific BDSM actions e.g. spanking or bondage. Simply put this sub never commits to fully giving up control.

The Intermediate or Committed Sub
This submissive has fully given control to her Dom or Master. This type of sub understands their submissive nature on a deeper level and less likely to battle with internal guilt or shame. They gain fulfilment for their submission and will not be looking achieve any specific goals. They will still have limits, some will remain hard limits, however they will also have soft limits which you can push (I will blog on this in the future). Finally I might add that this type of submissive can vary greatly in their experience, depth of submission, own fetishes and the length of time they may submit for in a given scene. They will most likely also enjoy some submission in non sexual settings.

The Unconditional Sub or Slave
This is a man or woman who is at piece with there submissive and happy to hand over control for large parts of their life include financial in some instances. They will take enjoyment in submission both sexual and non sexual over a long time period. Subs or Slaves in this context often are within a long term 24/7 D/s or M/s relationship or seeking one.
(Authors note, As I have never owned a Unconditional Sub or Slave the above description is a combination of many description I’ve read so far)

So above you have my thoughts on different submissive types, in my next submissive training blog post I’ll discuss how to help your better understand their submissive nature and become a better sub.

50 Shades of Grey: A Crap Book with a Positive Outcome

50 Shades of Grey Cover

The Shades of Grey trilogy by E.L. James (although lambasted by many in the BDSM scene) has a lot of positive outcomes to answer for. The book is simply a love story with a dominant and submissive twist, which has for one reason or another gone on to br read by millions of women (and a few men) worldwide. For many its soft porn that results in a little light bondage in the bedroom and for others it is an example of how you shouldn’t treat women (primarily those who don’t understand submissive psychology and needs). However for a few the book is a catalyst for entering into the BDSM lifestyle.

For me the latter happened after my wife and sub-to-be (now known as KW or Kinky Wife) read the entire Shades of Grey trilogy. Unsurprisingly when reading the books KW got horny, now while I personally have never read the books, a few chats with KW about the book in combination with some internet searches allowed me to better understand how domination and sub relationship worked.

KW has always been into light bondage and always enjoyed playing with blind folds, hand cuffs, paddles and even the odd spreader bar. Given that I was seeing how horny she was getting reading these books I decide that we should try playing at playing at dom and sub. So after a trip to the local DIY store and more importantly many hours reading blogs we had our first D/s session this summer.

Now KW and I have been together for almost 10 years, so the enjoyment we took being D/s surprised us both. KW proclaimed that she never thought I could be so dominant, where as I was surprising at how submissive could be. This eureka moment has led to some of the most sexually fulfilling moments of a live thus far and something that will now always be part of us.

Shades of Grey may paint a very poor picture of D/s relationships and BDSM in general as principally it suggests that you have been abused to enjoy being a sub or dom (Which nether me or KW ever were). However due to its main stream appeal it has allowed many to understand their true sexually tendencies and gain sexual fulfilment not previously achived. So although it is most likely one of the most poorly written pieces of erotic literature you will ever read, I will always be thankful for its effect on my and KW’s life.


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